Monday, August 9, 2010

The Love you Soar...

Today is my first day in the new home in Charlotte. I have unpacked, rearranged, and made this house my new home and I like it. This past week I have visited Charlotte, gone home to Georgia, and gone to the beach. While I was at the beach I slowly started to realize just how much I was missing everyone from the Farm. I figured the farther I got away (time wise) the easier it would get. Wrong. It has gotten harder for me. A few nights ago I was texting our good old friend, Jessie. We were talking about "Airbender" and how much we missed each other. I ask her What do I do about missing everyone? She replied with this, "Smile, cry a little, thank God you're where you are, and do a little bending moves." Once again Jessie has said it perfect. I realized in that moment I hadn't let myself cry. I had been pushing myself all week so hard to keep a smile and show everyone how happy I was. Because I am happy but I am also heart broken with missing all of you. Is it possible to have both emotions at the same time?
Yesterday I attend my first church service at the Queen City Church (the church John Mark and Robin started together). Through out the service I found myself having a hard time to connect. On the third song, John Mark did his new one. The one he did at our school. "Harbor me in the eye of the storm and I'll hold on to the love you soar." Right when the song started I just began to weep. I was back in Johnny and Mel's house with all of us singing that song together. Waves upon waves of missing everyone flooded my heart. I let myself be real. I let everything go and show how I felt before the Lord. Then when I opened my eyes and began to sing. Sing my song! All of you were there. Standing through out the room singing the song with me. It broke something in me.
From releasing to the Lord how I felt about missing my brothers and sisters he showed me something so awesome. You all are in my heart. Everytime I sing. Everytime I speak. Everytime I paint. Everytime I write. You all are with me. So to answer my question from earlier and maybe the same question some of you are having, "Is it possible to have both emotions at the same time? Joy for the new place you are at, and Heart broken for the ones you miss and love. I say Yes. So let your heart feel. Because in that same moment of heart broken the Father is coming to heal and lavish on us. Lets allow ourselves to be lavished on.
I love you all so much!



  1. whew! holy moly. wow Abigail. yes.

    that song is going to be different to you and all of us than it is to anyone else. it's like the color of the wheat. it's like airbender. things change when we tame each other. we had rhythms together and built trust and came closer and let people closer than maybe we ever have. we are still with each other. we have marked each other forever.

    keep going you warrior you.

  2. Abigail, I really needed to read this. This whole week I've been avoiding difficult emotions in very subtle ways... I need to be real again. I miss everyone. A lot. Do you remember at Apple Hill, when we did free writes on the Little Prince? Well, I wrote about the fox scene, because the color of wheat was making me extremely upset. Now, I'm standing in that wheat, and, I hope, beginning to understand it. Its real.